and so i took a third job. this makes my work hours rise up approximately 102 hours per week. memang terdengar gila. but i need the money. bukannya rakus, serakah ato sejenisnya. it's just that in my age i need a whole a lot of money to help accomplish my goals. jadi di sini uang adalah alat. bukan tujuan.
i want to do many things. i want to go to many places. i definitely cannot ask for my father to pay for them. i must pay for it by myself.
question: am i enjoying this? obviously not. but i cannot avoid this at least until 2 more years. i have to work thrice as much to get money twice--i guess--as much as someone at my age makes. a fellow-blogger commented on one of my post asking am i happier? my answer is: i don't know. if you ask me if i am happy all the time? the answer is no. yes, i feel happy. but at a certain time and place. i am definitely not happy with the situation that i have to work 3 jobs. i lost time for myself, time to loosen up my joints, i lost time to do some cleaning, i lost time to just lay around lazily in front of the tv, i lost time to hangout with friends, i lost time.......i don't even remember anymore what i lost.
but then i realize that now i can write more, read more, contemplate more until i get to the point that i am more grateful for what i have now and what have been given to me.
all and all, it still sucks to work hard and have so little time for myself, but i realize that i am actually much more luckier than some of the people i've met or ever worked with.